Pastoral, traditional metre — 'Rain on tin'

english slug: english_pastoral_traditional seed: 4242 validator: review

Prompt

Traditional pastoral haiku, rain-on-roof image, contemplative register.

Constraint. 5/7/5 syllable count strict; one auditory image per line; no abstract nouns.

Style. pastoral

Cascade trace

① stage 1 Cit · perceive
② stage 2 Ānanda · novelty pulse
③ stage 3 Icchā · best-of-K K_effective = 4
④ stage 4 Apohana · negation
⑤ stage 5 Jñāna · select
⑥ stage 6 Kriyā · render draft 72 chars
⑦ stage 7 Vimarśa · reflect event=false · policy=event_gated
⑧ stage 8 Revision · commit committed: draft

Validator

chandas=— · syllables=— · ok=undefined

Draft (kriyā)

score = 0.566

Rain taps on the roof
Tin sings in the fading light
Dusk deepens to dark

Shadow revision (vimarśa)

score = 0.523

Rain taps on the roof
Tin shrieks through the fading light
Dusk devours the song

Committed surface (draft)

Δscore = -0.043

Rain taps on the roof
Tin sings in the fading light
Dusk deepens to dark

Draft vs revised

Draft (kriyā)


        
      unchanged line: Rain taps on the roof
    
      ~ 
      changed line: Tin sings in the fading light
    
      ~ 
      changed line: Dusk deepens to dark

Shadow revision (vimarśa)


        
      unchanged line: Rain taps on the roof
    
      ~ 
      changed line: Tin shrieks through the fading light
    
      ~ 
      changed line: Dusk devours the song

Phase 7 cascade output for poetry_gen p01. Vimarśa did not fire. The shadow revision tried to escalate 'sings' → 'shrieks through' and 'deepens to' → 'devours the song' — a louder register. The proxy scorer rates the draft (0.566) above the revision (0.523), so the event-gate's decision to keep the draft was correct. The revision is shown side-by-side in the showcase for comparison; this is the cascade *not* mistaking volume for craft.